Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Hippo gnu deer
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
