You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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