New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
