I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
