OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He better not be in your backpack
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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