i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
