Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
someone threw a dead crab at me
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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