...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
