I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
