I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
