Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I CAN MOONWALK!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
