yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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