i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
