Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
