Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
