Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
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I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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