she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
