I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
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I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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