I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
