My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
