just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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