i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
