It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
