I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
