found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
