is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
