soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
