Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
