Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
