i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
