why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
