Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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