the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
