I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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