...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
