I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
