that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
third nipple confirmed
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
