I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
vagina is talking i cant
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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