just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
