im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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