i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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