His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
