There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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