well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
