he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
