That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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