i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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