There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
