guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
