Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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