He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
