you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
