after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
