Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
