I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
