i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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