so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
