Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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