I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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