never play flip cup with pint glasses
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
