hotel room ftw
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
